There is smart stupid and then there is just plain stupid. Then there
is A Haunted House, which blazes its way into a whole new category of
stupid: Painfully, epically stupid. Other descriptive words and phrases
that come to mind? Immature. Hard to sit through. Unfunny. Straight to
video while you Watch A Haunted House Online.
OK,
that last one was just wishful thinking. A Haunted House is definitely
hitting theaters, oddly enough, in the movie wasteland known as January
and not around Halloween where it more fittingly belongs. But 2013 is
off to a pretty awful start with this horrific misfire.
I
recently had the honor of meeting Marlon Wayans in person for an
interview and I really feel he is an extremely talented, gracious man.
He was naturally funny and also took the time to meet and greet a group
of children who were getting a tour at the museum in which the interview
took place.
I don't fault him for the kind of humor he is attempting. It's just that this time around, very little worked.
The
premise, I guess, was half-inspired, meant as a compliment. A Haunted
House is a riff on the "found footage" genre of horror film, made
popular again most recently with films like Paranormal Activity. In a
different, recent interview, Marlon Wayans observed that very few black
people tend to be in these types of horror movies. So what would happen
if a ghost or ghoul decided to haunt the house of a black couple? Could
be funny, right?
This question is answered, when you Watch A Haunted House Online Free
as are many others that weren't even asked. Marlon Wayans and Essence
Atkins play a young couple just moving into a new (albeit haunted) home.
The ghost farts in bed, has sex with them and wreaks havoc on their
house. Marlon's first reaction? To move. Immediately. Like, pack the car
and get gone. Had the movie only ended there. It's never explained why
then, in the very next scene, the couple is back and living with their
new supernatural nemesis. Or maybe it was explained, half-heartedly.
This
is a film where the wife kicks the invisible being in his "ghost
balls." Where Marlon feigns having sex with a stuffed animal. Where
farts are funny, not once, but in several scenes throughout the film.
Not exactly high-brow stuff.
They call in a priest (Cedric the
Entertainer) to lift the demon spirit from their house. They bring in a
home security expert (David Koechner) to equip the house with cameras.
They call in a psychic (a closeted Nick Swardson) to communicate with
the ghost. They even call in a gang of thugs, to kick the apparition off
of their turf.
None of these talented comedians are able to rid
the house of the spirit, or breathe any sort of life into this
sophomoric script.
I happen to be a big fan of the parody genre,
from the classics like Airplane and The Naked Gun (one of my all-time
favorite films), to more recent successful parodies such as Not Another
Teen Movie, Scary Movie or even the low-budget Parody Movie. But for
every Hot Shots, there is a Mafia!. For every I'm Gonna Git You Sucka,
there is an Epic Movie. And for every Loaded Weapon 1, there is A
Haunted House.
Sometimes, a funny idea doesn't carry with it the
proper weight to pull off a feature-length film and is maybe best left
as a skit or a punchline on stage. A Haunted House is a film containing
one joke that has even fewer laughs. Watch A Haunted House Movie Online
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